years back, i been asking myself from time to time while i was alone, if its worth everything? while i was crying waiting for you to answer my phone call and texts, if it was worth all of those pain? i then i stopped and looked back of all those happy memories, of all those laughs, playful banters, silly jokes all those adventures that escalates our hearts and minds into feeling and even touching the clouds...and yes, it was and is really worth all of it...
every time when i was with you, i always wish that time will not end that time will just freeze and only the two of us moving, continue what we were making us happy. and at the same time, if we were fighting or you will ignore me, i was wishing of the time to move faster and faster so that i will not even feel the pain or even see myself crying...
and right now, that is what i felt... i am wishing for the time to run, run as fast as it could... and that i will never even feel those single drop of my tears dripping all over my face... and before i was wishing for it for my self alone... but now, i was hoping for it, for the two of us.. i am feeling your pain, i feeling it and i even think of it now, that i wish it is only me who is feeling the pain, not you... because i am good at it, i am good at feeling the pain, i am good at crying over it and keeping it inside my heart... i wish that i can take your pain, i wish that i can have it all alone, and save you from heartache... i have caused you too much because of what i have done... i have caused you too much out of your head...
i dont know how to make amends because for all those times i was the one feeling it, fooling my self that it was all part of loving someone...
setting here all alone now, made me realized a lot of stuff... made me think of all those lessons craziness love, happiness, adventures, silly fights, making up, making love, fun, fun, communications and dancing and singing... i missed all of it... i been longing for all of it since last year... and now i screwed it... never had a single time that i stop thinking of you, it made me cry, it made me laugh, it made me hate you, it made me love you more and more....
for all the honesty now that is left inside my heart, i never thought that you will come back again... i was losing hope, i was losing the will to believe that you will come back to me... i was giving up... but then you came back...but i shielded myself already with a candle wax... a candle wax because when it is dry, it is very hard, but it is hot, it will melt and am crumbling back to being liquid, and melt over and over again...
i tried so hard to crawl and stand up on my own with out you by my side... i tried so hard to live life again, to wake up everyday looking at my phone that you will never call anymore, that i will never receive a text message early in the morning, middle of the day, half of the day, near at night and until we sleep... you were my morning, afternoon and night... you were my armor, you were guiding me, helping me, backing me, you were my teacher. my best friend, my lover, my everything... you always the one who raised me up when i have all these drama at work... with my life... you were the one who listen, who understand, who shares, hold my hands, pat my shoulder, hold my face, you helped me to be strong and to be weak in loving you... in loving my self... and i never wish for anything anymore... you were my life...
the time that we were apart together, i was so lost.. so lost...that the one who guided me to fly removed his hands from me... the one who reached over me at the edge lost his grip on me... and it was very difficult to climb back again to the top and pretend that everything was alright and will be alright...
it was so sad that the eyes that used to look at me, cannot even look at me with delight anymore... it was all disgust and hate... and i don't even know how to make that eyes look at me with the same passion, i don't know anymore...
i don't want to give up now... for me, it is all worth it. it was all hell worth taken the ride from there to here... but it is not all in my hands, and i am helpless, so helpless that i cannot imagine the pain that i caused for both of us...
i am praying now... so much that time will run fast faster faster as it could... that even the wind will just swept everything off its way... that i will be back where i belong. and i belong to you. only you.
i couldn't stop crying, because its the only way for me to stop breaking down completely and burst and burst... i am trying to be strong..i am trying to be strong now... that whatever decisions you will make, i wish i can accept it. i wish i can i really wish...and hope i can.
every time when i was with you, i always wish that time will not end that time will just freeze and only the two of us moving, continue what we were making us happy. and at the same time, if we were fighting or you will ignore me, i was wishing of the time to move faster and faster so that i will not even feel the pain or even see myself crying...
and right now, that is what i felt... i am wishing for the time to run, run as fast as it could... and that i will never even feel those single drop of my tears dripping all over my face... and before i was wishing for it for my self alone... but now, i was hoping for it, for the two of us.. i am feeling your pain, i feeling it and i even think of it now, that i wish it is only me who is feeling the pain, not you... because i am good at it, i am good at feeling the pain, i am good at crying over it and keeping it inside my heart... i wish that i can take your pain, i wish that i can have it all alone, and save you from heartache... i have caused you too much because of what i have done... i have caused you too much out of your head...
i dont know how to make amends because for all those times i was the one feeling it, fooling my self that it was all part of loving someone...
setting here all alone now, made me realized a lot of stuff... made me think of all those lessons craziness love, happiness, adventures, silly fights, making up, making love, fun, fun, communications and dancing and singing... i missed all of it... i been longing for all of it since last year... and now i screwed it... never had a single time that i stop thinking of you, it made me cry, it made me laugh, it made me hate you, it made me love you more and more....
for all the honesty now that is left inside my heart, i never thought that you will come back again... i was losing hope, i was losing the will to believe that you will come back to me... i was giving up... but then you came back...but i shielded myself already with a candle wax... a candle wax because when it is dry, it is very hard, but it is hot, it will melt and am crumbling back to being liquid, and melt over and over again...
i tried so hard to crawl and stand up on my own with out you by my side... i tried so hard to live life again, to wake up everyday looking at my phone that you will never call anymore, that i will never receive a text message early in the morning, middle of the day, half of the day, near at night and until we sleep... you were my morning, afternoon and night... you were my armor, you were guiding me, helping me, backing me, you were my teacher. my best friend, my lover, my everything... you always the one who raised me up when i have all these drama at work... with my life... you were the one who listen, who understand, who shares, hold my hands, pat my shoulder, hold my face, you helped me to be strong and to be weak in loving you... in loving my self... and i never wish for anything anymore... you were my life...
the time that we were apart together, i was so lost.. so lost...that the one who guided me to fly removed his hands from me... the one who reached over me at the edge lost his grip on me... and it was very difficult to climb back again to the top and pretend that everything was alright and will be alright...
it was so sad that the eyes that used to look at me, cannot even look at me with delight anymore... it was all disgust and hate... and i don't even know how to make that eyes look at me with the same passion, i don't know anymore...
i don't want to give up now... for me, it is all worth it. it was all hell worth taken the ride from there to here... but it is not all in my hands, and i am helpless, so helpless that i cannot imagine the pain that i caused for both of us...
i am praying now... so much that time will run fast faster faster as it could... that even the wind will just swept everything off its way... that i will be back where i belong. and i belong to you. only you.
i couldn't stop crying, because its the only way for me to stop breaking down completely and burst and burst... i am trying to be strong..i am trying to be strong now... that whatever decisions you will make, i wish i can accept it. i wish i can i really wish...and hope i can.
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